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Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

Time's tickin', you cast your hand.
Here's thinkin', you won this hand.
You said, you're the man with a plan.
Well shit, you are just kinda bland.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

Well here's the thing, I like to sting.
My raps are real, how about yours?
Hard to say, they're kind of a bore.
But hey, yours are stolen, and mine are real.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

Again, we're at a stalemate.
Your mind is just full of hate.
But no, I'll seal your fate.
Gonna push you in the end, through this final gate.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

This is it, we're over.
Hope you have a four leaf clover.
Soon they're gonna know.
Your mind I'm gonna blow.

Your move, time is ticking.

-Lourwind.
Angry, decided to make a semi rap/poetry piece dictating how war is much like a game of chess.

And in other news, I'd just like to say... "You can't stop the signal, Mal. Everything goes somewhere, and I go everywhere."

So here we are, out on the raggedy edge.
-Lourwind.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconflyaway-555:
FlyAway-555 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very deep and meaningful story behind it. The context is amazing!
However, the pattern of the stanzas seems to change, particularly in the last line of the second paragraph.
The rhyming is a bit off, too. sometimes the end of each line in the stanza will be the same, but you also seem to change it every now and then, so it jarrs the flow of the poem/rap.
But its a great attempt! I have no fear that if you keep at it, you could be better than your old partner, Chen. You're certainly a lot nicer than he was when we first met... :/ but then again, that's not all that hard..
Keep up the great work!! ^_^"
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Professional General Artist
Yeah I feel I messed up the stanzas rather violently, specially towards the end. I need to work on ryhmes and flow of syllables if I'm to continue getting better I feel. None the less though I had a lot of fun with this poem. :3

Sorry for the late reply, comments got buried again. XD
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconflyaway-555:
FlyAway-555 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It looked like you had fun with it!
and its no problem, you have a heap of new people with a heap of new artworks, its kinda expected that you wont be as on top of all the replies as you use to be. Its no biggie.
Keep it up though! I wanna see more of your poetry!
Reply
:icondeath-by-grunge:
Death-By-Grunge Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012
Awesome.
Reply
:iconlsanjichan:
LSanjiChan Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ah, very nicely done! I see how much alike the two are very clearly. I have always thought about war like chess anyway, since you have to carefully plan and try to predict every move you and your enemy make. Great job! =^_^=
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
Yeah, war strategy and chess go hand in hand. It's all about the timing, the position and sometimes even bluffing your way to victory. Obviously not in the same sense as bluffing in a card game but you know what I mean. :P

Also, I noticed what you did there in your siggy! That is awesome! Thank you so much! :D
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconlsanjichan:
LSanjiChan Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yes, they are just so alike, it's kinda scary... to me anyway since I asm not a big fan of war in the first place.. But I do like chess XD

And no problem!! You guys are awesome and I love your work! Great job! =^_^=
Reply
:iconciscobuddy:
ciscobuddy Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012
nicely done.
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you as always. If you don't mind my asking, is there anything in this you could see requiring improvement, perhaps some suggestions? :)
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconciscobuddy:
ciscobuddy Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012
I honestly can't see where improvements can be made. Knowing me, I'll probably think of something later at the most inopportune time.
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
Well if you ever do think of something, know you're always welcome to come back and comment. :)
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconciscobuddy:
ciscobuddy Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012
okay, I will.
Reply
:iconfireblazedragon5:
FireBlazeDragon5 Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm not very good at chess, but I'm good at war. How does that happen? -_-
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
I love chess, it's easy to learn but hard to master like most things. However, I like strategy war games and that sorta' thing. I think in general, I just like strategy games. :P
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconfireblazedragon5:
FireBlazeDragon5 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Life is the same way. Ergh.
Hey, have you ever played Risk? I think you'd like it.
Reply
:iconbowasho:
bowasho Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Student General Artist
tick tock
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Professional General Artist
Tick Tock indeed my friend, thank you for the comment. :)
-Lourwind.
Reply
:icondukemills:
DukeMills Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Woah! I'm impressed Lewin!
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Professional General Artist
You know how I work, a bag full of surprises, just like when you guys found out I was a piano junkie. :P
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconstidgrant:
stidgrant Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012
FIREFLY, FOR THE FREAKING WIN!!!! HECK YEAH!!!!!

Love that show!
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Professional General Artist
Browncoats forever, amirite?! I got damn love that show! :3
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconstidgrant:
stidgrant Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012
heck yes!!! (I definitely have a browncoat... and I wear it all the time!!!) Do you know the whole tv show, or just the movie?
I know lots of people who've only seen the movie... It's so sad.
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Professional General Artist
Both, plus the comics that Joss had released following the Movie. I didn't like the opening of the movie as it didn't match up with what was said in the series about River and the Doc. None the less, it's my favourite tv series and movie. :3
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconstidgrant:
stidgrant Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012
bwahahahah!!! Winning!!! Epic winning!!!!

Dude, I got school in the morning, I gotta go get some sleep. In his instance, I shall have to suggest we postpone this conversation until some later date! And so, with this in mind, I shall wish you a good night, and speak to you later!
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Professional General Artist
Shall do! We have to return to this conversation. Hit me up whenever you feel like! :)
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconstidgrant:
stidgrant Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012
Hey, sorry I took forever... I haven't had any protracted computer time that wasn't put in place for schoolwork in a month... Parents are rather strict. So how have you been?
Reply
:iconfalconman09876:
Falconman09876 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Tick tock tick tock tick tock
That's nice. ;)
Reply
:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Professional General Artist
Glad you like it, some of it didn't come out right but I was angry and wrote it in a brash fashion. None the less, I do not intend to change it. :3
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconfalconman09876:
Falconman09876 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
No prob!
Reply
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