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Poems by GravesDeath


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Submitted on
February 28, 2012
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Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

Time's tickin', you cast your hand.
Here's thinkin', you won this hand.
You said, you're the man with a plan.
Well shit, you are just kinda bland.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

Well here's the thing, I like to sting.
My raps are real, how about yours?
Hard to say, they're kind of a bore.
But hey, yours are stolen, and mine are real.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

Again, we're at a stalemate.
Your mind is just full of hate.
But no, I'll seal your fate.
Gonna push you in the end, through this final gate.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

This is it, we're over.
Hope you have a four leaf clover.
Soon they're gonna know.
Your mind I'm gonna blow.

Your move, time is ticking.

-Lourwind.
Angry, decided to make a semi rap/poetry piece dictating how war is much like a game of chess.

And in other news, I'd just like to say... "You can't stop the signal, Mal. Everything goes somewhere, and I go everywhere."

So here we are, out on the raggedy edge.
-Lourwind.
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:iconflyaway-555:
FlyAway-555 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very deep and meaningful story behind it. The context is amazing!
However, the pattern of the stanzas seems to change, particularly in the last line of the second paragraph.
The rhyming is a bit off, too. sometimes the end of each line in the stanza will be the same, but you also seem to change it every now and then, so it jarrs the flow of the poem/rap.
But its a great attempt! I have no fear that if you keep at it, you could be better than your old partner, Chen. You're certainly a lot nicer than he was when we first met... :/ but then again, that's not all that hard..
Keep up the great work!! ^_^"
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:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Professional General Artist
Yeah I feel I messed up the stanzas rather violently, specially towards the end. I need to work on ryhmes and flow of syllables if I'm to continue getting better I feel. None the less though I had a lot of fun with this poem. :3

Sorry for the late reply, comments got buried again. XD
-Lourwind.
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:iconflyaway-555:
FlyAway-555 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It looked like you had fun with it!
and its no problem, you have a heap of new people with a heap of new artworks, its kinda expected that you wont be as on top of all the replies as you use to be. Its no biggie.
Keep it up though! I wanna see more of your poetry!
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:icondeath-by-grunge:
Death-By-Grunge Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012
Awesome.
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:iconlsanjichan:
LSanjiChan Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ah, very nicely done! I see how much alike the two are very clearly. I have always thought about war like chess anyway, since you have to carefully plan and try to predict every move you and your enemy make. Great job! =^_^=
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:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
Yeah, war strategy and chess go hand in hand. It's all about the timing, the position and sometimes even bluffing your way to victory. Obviously not in the same sense as bluffing in a card game but you know what I mean. :P

Also, I noticed what you did there in your siggy! That is awesome! Thank you so much! :D
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconlsanjichan:
LSanjiChan Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yes, they are just so alike, it's kinda scary... to me anyway since I asm not a big fan of war in the first place.. But I do like chess XD

And no problem!! You guys are awesome and I love your work! Great job! =^_^=
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:iconciscobuddy:
ciscobuddy Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012
nicely done.
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:iconbottomlesspitstudios:
BottomlessPitStudios Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you as always. If you don't mind my asking, is there anything in this you could see requiring improvement, perhaps some suggestions? :)
-Lourwind.
Reply
:iconciscobuddy:
ciscobuddy Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012
I honestly can't see where improvements can be made. Knowing me, I'll probably think of something later at the most inopportune time.
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